Its just me ..

Aside from my name and other physical features people don't know me well.. I think mostly it is because of me.. 

I am not that kind-of-showy when it comes to my feelings towards anything, you may see me most of the time as if I do not care, but I really do in my own way. I know that probably most thinks that I am don't care about them or something but as I said I really really do, it is just that I do not show it. I think because I am afraid of what will be its outcome or how will it affect others. I am afraid of hurting someone's feelings although I may seem as someone who can tell whatever she wants to say, but I really am not. Talking about my feelings is my real fear. I don't know why, maybe because I am afraid of what others will think and so on… I know that is a lame excuse but that is just me. 

I am also not a sweet kind of person. I am sure of this one. Even my friends notice it on me. I am not that "affectionate" maybe because growing up and facing my teenage years without a father gives me a lot of fears such as I don't have anyone who will always protect me, someone who will always be there for me and so on, like a father .. I don't have that so I learn to keep my emotions to myself. I have to guard me and my feeling because I don't have someone to do it for me. I don't let my guard down easily even my close friends, I find it hard to tell them things because I am afraid of what will they think of me, because let us face it everybody is judge-mental in their own way. One of my fears as well being judge. I know I did this a few times with other but now I make it a point to know someone first before throwing a lot of comment on them. 

I also loose my patience fast, but this one I am trying to change and as far as my evaluation goes, I am more patient now than I am before. 

I don't trust people easily. I think I don't trust them easily because of my experience before and as well as living without my dad with me, because this is a harsh world let's face it. If you trust people easily they might harm you although not physically but maybe emotionally. When someone ask for forgiveness from me, I forgave them but I sometimes don't forget what they did to me especially if it is something really big. I seldom give second chances because in my personal opinion if you treasure me enough you wouldn't do this specific thing because you know that it will upset me big time. I know that it is wrong to have a grudge on someone but hey, its just me. It is my way to protect my self from getting hurt. 

I am lazy and I am trying to change it but I still have no luck with this one. 

I can say that I am responsible. I know this because when I was assigned to something I do everything in my power to make that specific task to be done. I don't like passing responsibilities because that will only give me another things to think about. I also don't like that sometimes when I am paired with someone that someone will do nothing because he/she knows that I will our task. It is hard and that is the reason why I don't like group work etc. I also don't like the idea that someone will put the blame on me because of some mishaps that occur. I really hate that because personally I am sure that I did this to the best i can. When I do something, i put my everything in it.

I do things for my friends, although I am not that affectionate, I try to do simple things to my friends for them to be happy. 

I also make it a point to be nice to everyone but I am just a mere human. I have my limits. 

I am sometimes caught off guard in some situation. When this one happens I don't know what to do or say and I just over think about it.

I over think things, and i am really paranoid. 

I am a positive thinker when it comes to other things but when I am talking about my self I am a negative thinker I think of the worst. I think it is because I have a low self-esteem or what we commonly called "self-confidence". I am trying to put a little more faith in me but I just can't right now, but I am working on it. 

I give nice advice, according to most of my friends. I usually can tell them what to do or how to handle this situation but when it comes to me I usually don't know what to do. I know that is normal because when you are really in a problem most of the time you only think of the problem itself and don't think about the other stuffs. 

I try to help most people in every way I can but if only the accept it. 

I try to be as friendly as possible but sometimes I am not, because I am afraid of rejections. This happens a lot of time like for example I invite only these persons because I know that they will not turn their backs on me. I now they will stay with me. 

I also have a withdrawal tendency, it is when i thought someone don't like me, I also don't like them my self. If I felt that I don't belong I pull my self away from them. 

I treasure my friends, I do my everything to keep them because I know that it is hard to find friends that will always be true to you. I am glad that I have this people. I love them . 

so most of the things that I am is here. I hope many will understand me now. :) 

Love lots. 

Pairima  <3 

Motto

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers "

I've been dying to ask someone something, kasi sobrang curious na talaga ako, kaso hindi ko naman masabi kasi natatakot ako sa isasagot niya.. Kasi pakiramdam ko na pag hindi valid ang reason ang niya kung bakit yun yung nangyari sigurado sasama lang ang loob ka sa kanya for a long period of time..

Ang sakit lang kasi na wala manlang siyang explanation na sinabi sakin or what-so-ever sa ginawa niya, sobrang umasa ako sa kanya tapos ganun pala yung gagawin niya sakin.. Sana hindi nalang niya yun ginawa di ba?

Kung humindi siya noon pa lang edi sana, Ok ang lahat hindi yung ganun siya.. Grabehan lang talaga.
Nakakalungkot lang talaga kasi bakit kailangan ganun hindi ba? Yung tipong isang bagay lang yun na hiniling mo sa kanya..

Pairima :/

Curiosity Kills the Cat?? Maybe...

Heyy.. eto nanaman ako.. haha..  magrereklamo nanaman tungkol sa buhay at iba pang mga bagay..

Dahil sa pagiging curious ko sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ng ibang person ((..note* ung close ko lng naman aa ..)), I now find myself in a situation i'd rather not be involve into. Ngayon tuloy nahihirapan ako, siguro tama nga ung "less is more" the less you know about the things that surrounds you although it makes you look like a 'dumb nobody' the more peaceful your life can be..

Hindi ko naman sila sinisisi at hndi rin nmn ung sarili ko, sa tingin ko lng nmn na mas magiging mapayapa ako kung hindi ko sila nalaman but nevertheless nalaman ko na ee, may magagawa pa ba ako? …

Ito ay bagong issue sa aming magkakaibigan. Bakit mahirap ito para sa akin? Kasi dalawa sa pinakamalalapit na kaibigan ko ang involve dito. Alam mo yung umaabot ka na sa point na hindi mo na alam ang sasabhini mo dahil ayaw mong masaktan ang feelings ng isa at ayaw mo din naman lumabas na may kinakampihan ka sa kanila..  <<Para mas madali papangalanan ko silang Friend A at Friend B.>>

Siguro mukhang hindi ako affected pero kabaligtaran yun.. Sobra akong naapektuhan sa mga nangyayari dahil pareho ko silang kaclose, siguro magaling lang akong magtago or baka may nakakapansin na nun hindi nga lang niya ako matanong about sa bagay na yun.. meron nga akong isa pang close friend na naiyak dahil naiipit na daw sia, actually tingin ko malapit na rin akong maiyak sa mga nangyayari, sadyang malakas lang siguro ang emotional side ko bilang tao.. Kasi kung hindi nakoooo, ewan ko lang.. 

Awkward kung tatanungin ka nila ng : "friend anong gagawen ko?", ay mali hindi pala yan awkward na tanong isa yang tanong na hindi mo masasagot ng basta na lamang dahil pag ito ang sinabi ko masasaktan si friend A, pag iyon naman masasaktan naman si friend B.. so bale mahirap talaga.. Ayaw mo silang saktan kaya hindi mo sila matulungan. 

Kasi totoo nmn na kailangan ko munang mamili ng taong ssktan db.? in any way may masasktan at masasktan sa kanilang dalawa.. Paano nmn un db? ayoko din naman na tumayo nalang sa isang tabi at manuod na lang sa mga mangyayari kasi pag may kaibigan na akong umiyak, may guilt ako na mararamdaman dahil hindi ako gumawa ng paraan upang mailayo siya roon.. 

Haistt.. NapakaComplicated ng buhay ..   :///

-Pairima :)