. . . ang hirap Ma-LEFT-OUT (sobra) . . .

  . paano ko ba ito sisimulan? ang hirap ee. i want to say the things i feel but i can't seem to think of appropriate words. I don't even know where to start.

 . so i'll just start by saying: Out Of Place ay parang nagiging constant feeling ko na ngaun around the people I was Close to BEFORE. I am becoming distant to them (I know) because they are like that to me, it's not that i am taking on a revenge but it is just hard to be close to people who are putting walls between them and you. I started to feel like these a couple of months ago. I admit that Loading isn't something I do regularly, but I think that shouldn't be the reason why i should be LEFT OUT.
( kasi wala lng akong load andami ko ng hindi alam, tpos pag nagtanong ka sa kanila sa personal ang ssbhin sau "magpaload ka kasi" bakit ganun db? bawal ba nilang sbhin un sa personal? hindi ba pwede?)

 . I am also Hurt in a way < not super hurt but kind a hurt> because they don't treat me the way they treat each other. I can't fully explain it but it's like that. I am ALWAYS the last person to know anything from most of them ( from the things they talked about, the things they feel about somethings or someone and many others). It also hurt when they seem to ignore you ( they may did it unintentionally but it still hurt the same way). I always and constantly feel that there are many thing I don't know about them which I should've because we are supposed to be "FRIENDS", i don't blame the others if they feel that they should always ask because the others won't tell it to you willingly.

 . One thing I think that you should know about me is that I don't like being a Fool and I don't stick around especially when i am feeling that i am unwanted. I don't stick around when I am unwanted because I can't bear the thought that there are people who can;t seem to tolerate my presence. I don't want to be labelled as "Kill Joy" and most certainly "panira". Fool because I don't deserve it, I trust you but then why can't you trust me back? I can't think of other explanation possible for your actions. Because I believe that IF and ONLY IF you trust someone you can tell him/her anything but since you don't what more can i expect? I don't also know what is your BIG problem in me having new friends? are you genuinely jealous or you just feel that way because you don't like the person I am close to now. ( i didn't mean to offend you but i can't help feeling this way).

. I don't talk much now because according to many "Madaldal daw ako" so eto mananahimik nalng ako para wala kaung maging problema. nakakhiya nmn kasi ee. I am serious most of the time cause there wasn't anything that i find funny.

. I don't tell them these things because they will just misunderstand it and they are going to twist my words and give their own damn interpretation without telling you. They are gonna conclude something and believe their own without hearing you out first OR they will tell you they UNDERSTAND you but the truth is that they never actually "really understand you".

 . I don't hate you guys that is one thing that i can ULTIMATELY ASSURE you . I am not faking my responses to you but when i am with you i always think of the actions and things you say in front of me that is why I don't say anything much.

- i don't know if it was just me who has a problem or is it really you. I hope this is just a misunderstand we can sort out. You are equally important to me because you were a part of my teenage life my growing years are with you. so i hop we can sort this out.